NO-ONE. I repeat NO-ONE is perfect. So stop fucking trying.
I tried. I tried for way too long. I thought I could be perfect.
The perfect wife.
The perfect family member.
The perfect teacher.
The perfect employee.
The perfect clean eating vegan.
The perfect yogini.
The perfect holistic health coach.
It blew up in my face, let me tell you now. Because I tried to control every aspect of my life to aim for perfection.
I controlled what time I went to bed (I NEED eight hours sleep or I won't be able to function).
This meant that I missed out on nights out with friends, or seeing a late movie, or living really, let's be honest.
I controlled every single thing that I ate. I wouldn't eat out, for the most part. I didn't touch anything with any kind of sugar (including natural sugars), anything with even a trace of gluten. I stopped drinking alcohol for awhile, and then when I re-started it HAD to be organic and GF or I wouldn't touch it (heaven forbid).
This meant that I had no fun.
I controlled what I did in my spare time, down to the second. I had to be constantly DOING something and it HAD to be scheduled in. No WAY could I comprehend doing anything spontaneous. Because it would have thrown me off the plan. Fuck, I needed a plan for everything. And I would be furious if the plan didn't happen.
This meant that I was on edge all the time because sometimes things don't go to plan and people are last minute and that's life.
I controlled my life and kept myself small and pretty much strangled the relationship I had with my ex because of this...I tried to make her perfect too.
I honestly believed I was being a better person, an improved version of myself by acting this way. I was eating clean! I was getting enough sleep! I was being organised! I was being productive!
But I was fucking miserable. I had no joy. I had no spark. I had nothing except for my routines and my rigidity and my restrictions.
And to be honest I am grateful that my ex held me through all of this because fuck I was not a good person to be around...But I thought I had to be this person. I thought I had to be perfect.
Everything would fall into place if I was perfect. But it didn't. It fell apart.
It's only in the last few months that I have majorly let the reigns GO on perfection and aimed for joy instead.
Hey, does this amazing non-organic cocktail look good? Hell yeah!
Dancing all night, that sound fun? YES please.
Spontaneous dinner out tonight? Of course!
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Because the more I say yes the more opportunities open up for me.
I am still 90% clean eating and look after myself and get enough sleep and schedule enough to be productive, but I am OPEN.
I have accepted that I am never going to be perfect.
And neither are you, my friend.
What are you clinging onto right now by trying to be perfect?
What are you strangling the life out of trying to get it right?
Could you accept that you will never be perfect?
Do you feel challenged by the thought of giving up your perfection ambitions?
If so, I would love to chat to you about this.
Shoot me an email: hi@cindrabanks.com
