I don’t do rejection well.
In fact, I explicitly avoid it at all costs.
Recovering perfectionist equates rejection with failure and failure with bad.
Growing up, all I wanted to be was a famous actress.
But honestly, I was so scared of being rejected, of not being good enough and pretty enough to make it, that I never really tried. I never pushed myself to be the best I could be, because that would mean I would be more vulnerable. That would mean there would be more risk.
So instead of really trying, I let it go. I said it was too hard. I let my dreams go because I was scared I couldn’t reach them. That I would “fail” on my way to success.
As much as I now know that obviously this wasn’t meant to be (or may happen in the future, who knows), my heart still breaks when I remember the young girl who just wanted to be in front of the camera, pretending to be someone else.
The first time I was rejected by someone romantically was when my first boyfriend broke up with me. I couldn’t believe it. Who did he think he was? I was devastated. I remember my friend driving me to KFC for some comfort food and stopping into the servo on the way home to also get chocolate. I remember crying in my room, listening to Incubus and scribbling furiously in my journal.
The second time, I knew it was coming. I remember lying on his floor, sobbing, with Coldplay’s first album rolling on in the background, thinking I would never recover, that I would never be okay ever again.
Rejection sucks. And yet. It is our greatest teacher. (I feel like I say that a lot, maybe it’s not our GREATEST teacher, but it’s surely one of the better ones).
Rejection is hurtful. It makes us think and feel like we are not good enough. And how could we not?
Someone is literally telling us we are not good enough for them!
Or are they.
Maybe they’re just not ready for us?
Maybe it’s not meant to be?
Maybe the time isn’t right?
Maybe something better is on the horizon?
Maybe it has absolutely NOTHING to do with us.
Have you ever thought about that?
Maybe you have never been rejected romantically. But maybe you have had a fall out with a friend. Maybe you have been fired or haven’t gotten a job.
Have you ever thought that most of the rejection has nothing to do with you?
I have been rejected this week. It totally sucks. It’s seriously disappointing. And it will take me a little while to process.
But. Am I taking it personally? No. Not really. Just because someone doesn’t want to be with me doesn’t mean that I am any less of a person. It doesn’t mean I have failed, or that I have even done anything wrong.
And this is the line of thinking that allows us to grow from rejection. It allows us to blossom from an otherwise dark place.
We flip it and kick it. The rejection is not ours. Sure, it is directed at us, but it is not ours to hold.
Next time you feel rejected (not that I wish this upon you, but you know, life), see if you can move through it, instead of bowing down to it.
Feel it of course, feel the hurt, the pain, the sadness, the anger…Grieve. Process.
But then, build yourself back up.
The universe knows best, after all.
I truly do believe the cliche of, if it's meant to be, then it will be. I mean, it's hard to argue with right? Why push shit uphill? We're all better than that.
Trust in divine timing. Surrender to the flow of life. Let it be.
Besides, you are not the rejection.
I am not the rejection.
We are not rejection. We are much more worthy than that.