Imposter syndrome, my podcast and why I want to push through my fear and expose my most intimate and vulnerable self to the world...
" Who the fuck do you think you are Cindra, making a podcast, on your own, and talking to people about relationships...Like you think you're some sort of expert now because you've been married before? People are going to think you're an idiot. People are going to judge you so hard because of this. Your voice is so annoying. You don't know shit. You aren't even very good at speaking about relationships. You shouldn't be doing this. You can't possibly think you're good enough for people to want to listen to you talk. Get the fuck down off your high horse and back to reality... "
I could go on. This is a short excerpt straight from my brain. I released The Relationships Show last week after procrastinating on creating my own podcast for months. I felt brave and excited and accomplished when dreaming it up and putting it into action. But as soon as I sent the first episode off to iTunes I was overcome with the above.
Worry upon worry, fear upon fear filled me up. What the fuck am I doing, putting all this out there? Who am I?
Who am I indeed. Who am I to not share my voice and my message. It's okay to talk about what I believe in, with an intention to inspire and connect with the wider community.
This is how I talked myself off the ledge. And part of me is still there, wondering if I should pull the pin. Wondering who am I to be doing this. But knowing that this is lighting me up. This is inspiring me beyond anything else I have ever done. I can see this being the vehicle for more, to reach more, to learn more. Yet, it's underpinned by fear.
We all know fear is an emotion, we choose to feel it. Many of us let ourselves be run by fear though. We stop ourselves from doing so many amazing things...Starting businesses, following creative pursuits, putting ourselves out there, trying new things, meeting new people...Because we are scared. We are all so scared.
The scared is all made up though. We don't know the outcome and we can't control it even if we did. So all we can do is be. Let the fear be there as I have spoken about before and just move forward (I need to take my own advice.
So why the podcast and why now and why The Relationships Show?
It's time. I felt it. I envisioned it.
I have been on a huge self-learning journey, as well as travelled through many different relationships in my time. I have written about them and I have talked about them. And I have learnt more through my relationships with other people than I could ever learn anywhere else.
I know I have information and opinions and advice and knowledge and love and passion and so much more to share and creating a podcast just came naturally to me.
My relationship with my partner has inspired me more than I could have ever imagined and allowed me to be in a space to be able to back myself and learn to embrace my vulnerability.
Now is the time to talk about conscious connections and sex and sexuality and gender and romance and friendships and breakups and all the things, because it needs to be said. It needs to be discussed and "taboo" topics need to not be so taboo anymore and everyone needs to be more open and accepting and this is my contribution to all of that.
I feel it's imperative for my learning and my healing to share my stories and experiences as part of the show, which feels so natural at the time of recording, then listening back I am so vulnerable it terrifies me...But i'm inspired be other people connecting with me sharing it and potentially helping them.
This is why I do what I do. This is why I keep writing and baring all. This is why I'll keep speaking and showing up.
It's for you. I hope you get something out of it.