And WHY?
I am avoiding so many things at the moment, but let's start with a few.
1. Making live videos
2. Getting photos taken for my Insta
3. Setting up interviews for my podcast.
And I know why. Because it's easier hiding than to be seen.
But so much beyond that too...Like I am not good enough to be on videos, I am not looking my best at the moment so photos won't be worth it, I don't think my podcast is worthy so feel bad taking up people's time to be on it.
Oh ouch.
The not good enough thing I get. We all feel this from time to time (or all the time), especially when we are expanding and showing up and speaking our truth. There is an element of fear, like fuck if I go out there and truly be me, how are people going to react? Will I be judged? And harking back to medieval times, will I be persecuted for showing my authentic self?
We all have an inherent knowing that doing the "thing" will lead to others "things" and most of us have done it all before, but that instinctive fear never goes away. Maybe it fades a little, but it never disappears.
I wish it would just fuck off.
I feel like I would be so much further ahead in my life if I wasn't worrying about every twist and turn and freaking out about how people think of me. But deep down, I know this is my journey and it's meant to be like this.
Shrug emoji.
So, what can we do about this? Because avoiding doing something doesn't work. I have a list in front of me, in big letters it reads:
RETREAT
BOOK
INSTA
WORKSHOPS
VIDS
PODCAST
You know what I can put a tick besides? Insta. And podcast. And kind of book because that is a work in progress.
You know what I feel when I look at retreat, book, workshops and videos? Sheer terror. Immediately my mind is shouting, "it's not going to work, it's not going to work, it's not going to work because you're shit".
Shut up mind.
I think the biggest thing we have to do is keep moving forward. Finding a balance between moving forward too quick and being at a stand still (but convincing yourself you are moving forward) can be tricky.
You don't want to dive in too quick and not be backing yourself. Trust me, you'll drown.
You don't want to get stuck and not take any action, because the moment will pass and you'll completely lose momentum.
Move the needle forward every day.
Set yourself a daily action that is in line with doing the thing you have been avoiding. Something manageable, but still outside your comfort zone. For me, that is committing to making three live videos a week, not one per day (ain't nobody have time for that).
Hold yourself accountable, either by ticking your actions off each day, or finding an accountability partner or getting an app (I have just downloaded one called Coach.me). If you don't have anything/anyone to give you feedback, you'll let it slide, trust me.
Know that you may fail. Actually it's pretty likely. Failing is learning so do it anyway (says me who is cowering back here hiding from the world behind my blog, maybe you can be my accountability).
Lastly, feel into the resistance. Is there something there for you? What can you learn? What are you not seeing or doing or being? Is this in alignment with your soul?
For me, all of my self worth stuff has been tested over the last month or so. This resistance of being seen because of judgement and my appearance tells me that I have some self work to do. I need to get back to basics with my affirmations and self care. I have lost myself a little bit and need to make a conscious effort to reconnect. To work on the acceptance of myself, as I am, because that is enough.
We don't just avoid things because we are weak or have no motivation or whatever other excuses we make.
Seek to find what's behind it. You never know what's lurking beneath the surface.
